Wednesday, March 22, 2017
Places/Activities: The twins and I ran some errands today. Out to pick out tile... AGAIN. I think we've FINALLY settled on tile that we both like for the backsplash, that won't make us go crazy, and that is a reasonable price. We also ran to Costco. Puff can now say Costco. I'm guessing we must go pretty frequently that even she knows where we are going (insert eye roll). She also likes to say cookie, and coffee. It's pretty adorable to hear her talk in her little baby girl voice. It's the sweetest sound I've ever heard. Where as Bear... everything is a car. The garbage truck in the I Stink! book is "CAR!" The white van with no windows parked next to my van that looks as though it might be inhabited by a terrorist or a kidnapper (but more likely a guy in the construction business) is also a "CAR!" The huge bus filled with elementary school children is a "CAR!!" and so is anything else that has wheels. He's also saying the word "CLOCK!" now with enthusiasm and frequency. Too bad he can't make the "L" sound just yet. Which is unfortunate. I keep praying that he doesn't actually see a "CLOCK!" when we are out in public. Oh, and Puff now says the F-bomb. Not sure what word it's substituted for, or if she is indeed just saying the F-bomb. Between the two of them, I'm sure I'll get some interesting responses from strangers should they actually engage them in a conversation. My only hope is that D will have them when that happens. HA! And totally random - but we went to Costco for just two items. Pretzels, and ribs. Guess what - I walked all over the store and couldn't find pretzels. So, we just bought the ribs. Oh, and some blueberries and popcorn. Who only goes to Costco and buys three things??? People in their eighties. Oh, and me. That's who.
Reading:Not quite finished Commonwealth just yet. Thought I would be today, but I might need to put it down to read my other bookclub book which I need to finish by... FRIDAY! I guess I should start it!
Recipes: I did not experiment with any recipes today. In fact, we had chicken tenders fresh from the freezer (heated first, of course). Plus a conglomeration of leftovers from earlier in the week. I WILL be making something with ribs in the crock pot in the next few days. Tomorrow we might be having breakfast for dinner again. We'll see if I can't be any more original. But it's not likely!
Random Thoughts: So here's a random thought about a good deed that I tried to do. This random thought is a sensitive topic, so you've been warned. I don't keep it a secret that we had the twins through IVF. Partially because I don't like secrets for one, and for two, I've been able to share my story with a number of people and now several friends also have success stories to share. It's not an easy road, and for us it was long and it was dark. I'm not going to share our entire story in this post, though more pieces of it may pop out at another time. What I am going to share with you is that when I was well over halfway into my pregnancy with the twins, we had a difficult decision to make. We were paying a storage fee for two leftover embryos that we had as a result of our most recent attempt at IVF that we ended up not needing to transfer. I needed to make a decision about what to do with them. We felt complete with our family number and knew that we shouldn't "keep" them since we wouldn't be using them. But what to do with them? There were a few options. We could just have them destroyed, meaning they would be thawed and disposed of... we could do a compassionate transfer - meaning they would transfer the embryos during a time when they wouldn't likely "take"... we could donate them to research.... or we could donate them to be used by another family. We ended up choosing the last option. I spent hours completing a packet of papers that was about 2 inches thick. I spent time writing a letter to my little snowflakes (a nickname for frozen embryos) for them to read when they turned 18 about how they had two older sisters and an older brother. About how I loved them and wanted what was best for them. And that someday I hoped we would get to meet. Today, a conversation I had with some other moms prompted me to call the fertility clinic where I had donated them to see if they were still available. I was surprised that I received a call back in a few hours. The woman on the line told me that they had been used for a patient, and then asked me if I wanted to know the outcome. I was surprised. I didn't think I would get to know. With slight hesitation, I replied, "yes." Then she told me that the transfer was not successful and the woman didn't become pregnant. She then responded with a comment saying, "I bet you are relieved to know you don't have random children out there." No. No, I'm not relieved. I'm just sorry. I'm sorry that my little embryos aren't going to make someone else a mom. I'm sorry some other woman had to go through disappointment like I did. I'm guessing this was among her last attempts - otherwise she wouldn't need to use the embryos donated by someone else. I'm sorry my little embryos aren't going to get the opportunity to live. Because in the end, that's all I really wanted for them. It seems ridiculous to be so emotional over a couple of cells. But I know that those cells are the start of what made me a mother. I know I'll be fine about it tomorrow, but for tonight I'm a little sad, a little sorry, and I'm sending out a wish that the woman who was almost a mother to my babies does get to become a mother very soon.
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| A throwback to just one year ago. |
Reading:Not quite finished Commonwealth just yet. Thought I would be today, but I might need to put it down to read my other bookclub book which I need to finish by... FRIDAY! I guess I should start it!
Recipes: I did not experiment with any recipes today. In fact, we had chicken tenders fresh from the freezer (heated first, of course). Plus a conglomeration of leftovers from earlier in the week. I WILL be making something with ribs in the crock pot in the next few days. Tomorrow we might be having breakfast for dinner again. We'll see if I can't be any more original. But it's not likely!
Random Thoughts: So here's a random thought about a good deed that I tried to do. This random thought is a sensitive topic, so you've been warned. I don't keep it a secret that we had the twins through IVF. Partially because I don't like secrets for one, and for two, I've been able to share my story with a number of people and now several friends also have success stories to share. It's not an easy road, and for us it was long and it was dark. I'm not going to share our entire story in this post, though more pieces of it may pop out at another time. What I am going to share with you is that when I was well over halfway into my pregnancy with the twins, we had a difficult decision to make. We were paying a storage fee for two leftover embryos that we had as a result of our most recent attempt at IVF that we ended up not needing to transfer. I needed to make a decision about what to do with them. We felt complete with our family number and knew that we shouldn't "keep" them since we wouldn't be using them. But what to do with them? There were a few options. We could just have them destroyed, meaning they would be thawed and disposed of... we could do a compassionate transfer - meaning they would transfer the embryos during a time when they wouldn't likely "take"... we could donate them to research.... or we could donate them to be used by another family. We ended up choosing the last option. I spent hours completing a packet of papers that was about 2 inches thick. I spent time writing a letter to my little snowflakes (a nickname for frozen embryos) for them to read when they turned 18 about how they had two older sisters and an older brother. About how I loved them and wanted what was best for them. And that someday I hoped we would get to meet. Today, a conversation I had with some other moms prompted me to call the fertility clinic where I had donated them to see if they were still available. I was surprised that I received a call back in a few hours. The woman on the line told me that they had been used for a patient, and then asked me if I wanted to know the outcome. I was surprised. I didn't think I would get to know. With slight hesitation, I replied, "yes." Then she told me that the transfer was not successful and the woman didn't become pregnant. She then responded with a comment saying, "I bet you are relieved to know you don't have random children out there." No. No, I'm not relieved. I'm just sorry. I'm sorry that my little embryos aren't going to make someone else a mom. I'm sorry some other woman had to go through disappointment like I did. I'm guessing this was among her last attempts - otherwise she wouldn't need to use the embryos donated by someone else. I'm sorry my little embryos aren't going to get the opportunity to live. Because in the end, that's all I really wanted for them. It seems ridiculous to be so emotional over a couple of cells. But I know that those cells are the start of what made me a mother. I know I'll be fine about it tomorrow, but for tonight I'm a little sad, a little sorry, and I'm sending out a wish that the woman who was almost a mother to my babies does get to become a mother very soon.
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